you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I am puke
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
