I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
