I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
