the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
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Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
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Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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