Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
