I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
