Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
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