My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
