i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My penis needs a shock collar
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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