what day is it and did you see me today?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
