just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
