Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
