he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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