First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
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Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
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I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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