You don't have asthma, your pregnant
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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