He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
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Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
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If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm bleeding and have questions
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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