Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
