Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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