It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But break dance skills will only take you so far
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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