I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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