im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
