I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
