Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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