so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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