I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
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He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
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Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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