I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
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why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
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We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.