Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
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It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
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Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.