Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep