Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.