Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.