Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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