guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
