I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
