jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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