If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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