I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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