i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
