The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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