Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
