Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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