1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
