so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
