Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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