Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Small penises have feelings too.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
