so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
