Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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