Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
