i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize