she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
