Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I am midnight drunk by noon
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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