his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
How naked do you want me to be?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
