I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
