Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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