I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills