did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.