you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.