Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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