Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?