this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
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Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
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I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.