READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
