JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
