but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
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He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
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I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him