dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
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He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.