It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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