Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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