WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
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The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
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I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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