no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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