I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize