she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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