I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
please come you make the beer taste better
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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