you're like a bully in the Christmas story
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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