if you like me you must not know who I am
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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