So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
