first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
