Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
