The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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