I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
