is your mom at the bar?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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