There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
