He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
