Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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