I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
kristin has been a bad kristin
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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