Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
