Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
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I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
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He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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